The Gift of Violence: Practical Knowledge for Surviving and Thriving in a Dangerous World by Matt Thornton

Author:Matt Thornton
Format: epub

17 The Importance of Intelligence

When it comes to survival, being smart matters—a lot.

Apart from maturity, nothing will help keep you safer from predators than intelligence—specifically, applied intelligence—the second foundational element in our MIND acronym.

Young men commit most violence, and they are also its chief victims. But young women are especially vulnerable to violence and need to learn to stay safe.¹ While the last chapter was mostly about boys, much of this one is about girls. I want my daughters to be smart about how they interact with and navigate the world. This means being realistic about the threats they might face without getting caught up in what columnist Joanna Williams calls “the feminism of fear.”² This means being uninhibited about having normal interactions with boys and men, knowing when and how to be assertive, and being unafraid to speak their minds and defend their boundaries. This type of assertiveness requires confidence, which, in turn, requires maturity. All three of these traits must be nurtured for children to act intelligently.

No child will be able to defend their boundaries if they have no understanding of them. While sons often need boundaries to keep them in line, daughters often need them just to feel safe. Young girls who grow up without the safety that a strong father provides are less likely to develop the trust required to tell an adult when someone is trying to harm them. If they lack a safe, stable, loving, connected family environment, they will be more vulnerable to sexual predators and character-disordered creeps. They will be more likely to be picked out as targets and less likely to fight back. In short, they will be more likely to become victims,³ if for no other reason than they will lack the confidence to say no.⁴

The type of confidence I’m talking about cannot be faked.⁵ A girl might be able to mimic the appearance of confidence, and there are circumstances—athletic competitions, for example—when doing so might be useful, but that’s not true confidence. True confidence is the product of maturity—which, as discussed, involves empathy, impulse control, and self-awareness and is built by observing other strong, mature people and committing oneself to disciplined practice.

One of my black belts, Leah Taylor, is a world-champion competitor.⁶ She trains every day, teaches at an SBG, and spars and wrestles with men all the time. She knows what it feels like to escape when a large man is trying to hold her down. She knows what it feels like to choke someone who doesn’t want to be choked. And this knowledge does two things. First, it makes her less likely to become selected by your typical street trash as a plausible victim—due to how she carries herself. And second, it makes her less likely to escalate a situation that doesn’t warrant it. Why? Because she harbors no fantasies about what she’s capable of doing, and she has no reason to prove anything outside the arena she competes in daily. In other words, she’s way more likely to stay safe and be smart than a person with no combat sports experience.

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